


Homesick

by rangerhitomi



Category: Cardfight!! Vanguard
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Living in France, M/M, One-sided Kaiai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25775695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rangerhitomi/pseuds/rangerhitomi
Summary: Kai isn't acting quite like himself and Gaillard tries to understand why.
Relationships: Olivier Gaillard/Kai Toshiki
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Homesick

**Author's Note:**

> for my birthday i wrote myself some self-indulgent kaigai

The wipers squeaked on the windshield, barely keeping up with the deluge of rain and drowning out the public radio channel. Gaillard leaned forward in his seat to see the road better as he drove. It didn’t help much. He turned the radio down even more.

Next to him, Kai sat with his arms wrapped tightly around his body, eyes staring unblinkingly out the passenger window. He hadn’t said a word since they left the airport where they had dropped off Neve after a tournament qualifier. In fact, he’d barely shown any emotion at all as they swept the tournament, didn’t flash his opponent a cocky grin before hitting a triple critical, didn’t even declare a “Final Turn.”

Gaillard barely missed hitting a pothole. The car jerked around; Kai’s head smacked loudly against the window. He barely flinched.

“What’s wrong?”

No reply.

Gaillard sighed. There was zero chance that Kai was going to make dinner in this mood.

They pulled over at a small café along the rapidly rising river, where Gaillard managed to convince Kai to get out of the car and at least get something to drink; he moved with no haste through the downpour and was thoroughly drenched when they entered the building, mostly empty but for two occupied tables and the lady at the counter. Kai seemed unconcerned, but that didn’t mean Gaillard wasn’t.

He ordered a coffee with light milk for Kai when it became clear Kai was not interested in ordering and leaned forward. Under normal circumstances, Gaillard would mock him for being perpetually grumpy, but then, this was unusually distant even for Kai.

“Why are you acting like this?” Gaillard asked the question in Japanese, hoping at least that not forcing Kai to translate Gaillard’s questions from French would at least elicit some response from him.

Kai finally lifted his eyes to Gaillard’s. “Like what.”

“You’re moodier than usual.”

The lady set the coffees on the table, along with a small breadbasket. Gaillard thanked her with a gracious smile that slid from his face almost instantly as he turned back to Kai.

“I don’t think you’ll be ready for the championships at the level of play you showed today.”

“I’ll be fine,” Kai said curtly, still not touching his drink.

“You shouldn’t have no guarded that last attack today. Without that heal trigger, you’d have lost and our perfect record would have been tarnished.”

“I had it under control.”

“You had a sentinel in your—”

_“I had it under control.”_

The other patrons turned to look at them curiously. Gaillard couldn’t blame them; it was probably unusual to see two men carrying on a tense conversation in Japanese in the middle of a Parisian café.

“Where’s the toilet?” Kai demanded of the owner in embarrassingly mispronounced French, and he left the table as she pointed toward the back.

Kai left his phone on the table, and it lit up with a Line notification; even from upside-down, Gaillard could make out “Mates’ Chat” before the screen went black again.

_Ah._

Gaillard pulled out his own phone and scrolled through his social media page. He and Kai had several mutual friends, and sure enough there were pictures from some of those same Japanese friends Kai had left behind.

 _Celebrating Leon-kun’s birthday!_ was a message on Aichi’s page from a few days before, complete with pictures of Soryuu Leon eating a piece of birthday cake with some bizarre degree of smugness while Suzugamori Ren gleefully shoved cake into the unwilling mouth of a large man with long hair and a goatee in the background. Another group picture, this one with Ishida Naoki’s arm around Aichi’s shoulders as Aichi smiled brightly, eyes shining.

It would be hard to see pictures like these without feeling something painful.

Kai sat back down.

“It was Leon’s birthday a few days ago,” Gaillard said casually.

“I saw.” Kai’s voice was curt.

Gaillard set down his phone. “I think I know why you’re so down lately.”

Kai’s jaw clenched visibly as he looked down at the picture Gaillard deliberately left open on the screen.

“You miss him.”

He’d meant to say _them,_ as in, Kai’s friends back in Japan. But there was no ambiguity who _he_ was.

“I’m going to wait in the car.” Kai pushed his chair back again with unnecessary force and skulked out the door, back into the rain, without looking back.

Gaillard sighed, a long, slow breath. The owner came over to his table and gestured at Kai’s untouched drink. “Would you like me to take this?”

“Would I be able to get it to go?”

“You’d have to buy a reusable tumbler,” she said apologetically.

Gaillard sighed again. “Okay, that’s fine.”

She picked up the drink and paused. “We get lovers’ spats in here often.”

The bluntness of her statement was such that Gaillard couldn’t muster up a denial.

“If I may, I would suggest apologizing for whatever it is you said before he got angry. He seemed quite sad when he left, and you should never go to bed upset.”

The implication was not lost on him. “We’re not…” He sighed a third time and rubbed his temples. “Thank you, I’ll apologize.”

She nodded. “I’ll be back with your friend’s drink.”

When Gaillard left the café, he found Kai standing under the awning with his hands in his pockets. The rain was letting up a little now but still harder than Gaillard would have liked.

“I locked the doors.”

“You locked the doors.”

“Come on.”

They got into the car, Gaillard handing the tumbler full of still-hot coffee to Kai. Kai took it in both hands and set it on his lap. Under almost any other circumstances, Gaillard would have told Kai _that tumbler cost me fourteen Euros_ and Kai would have grunted and never paid him back, but it seemed disingenuous to push his buttons now, not when…

_He seemed quite sad when he left._

He looked it, now that Gaillard noticed.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why.”

“For bringing him up.”

Kai set his elbow on the door handle and leaned his forehead against his hand. “Just, let’s just go home.”

Gaillard put the car in drive and they rolled back onto the road, windshield wipers now keeping up with the steady pace of the rain.

"Would you at least talk to me if you're feeling like this?" 

“Why does it matter?”

“It’s affecting you. It’s affecting how you play, how you interact with people. You didn’t say a single word during the interview. If something is bothering you, you need to get it out.” He chanced a glance toward Kai, who now covered his face with his hand. “Kai. There’s no shame in missing people. You’re homesick. That’s not…”

“I’ve been alone for a long time. I’ll live.”

“Were you even living before you met him?”

An incredibly insensitive thing to say, but he couldn’t take it back now.

“Stop dragging him into this.” Kai was angry now.

“Kai, I know how you felt about him.”

“Oh, do you?”

“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you.”

“Then drop it.”

Gaillard bit back a retort. This conversation was quickly going downhill; rather than apologizing, he was digging deeper into this hole.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, and this time he remained silent for the rest of the drive home.

* * *

It was late when they arrived at the orphanage where they spent the weekends; none of the children were awake. Gaillard was glad. They would have smothered Kai with questions as to why he looked so awful, with red-rimmed, sunken eyes and terrible posture. They passed the common room and headed for the stairs, but Gaillard beat Kai to it and blocked his way.

“Are you really going to keep me from going to sleep, too?” Kai said wearily.

“Do you regret coming to France?”

The question took Kai off guard. His brows furrowed and he frowned. “I—”

“Do you regret leaving Japan?”

Kai’s non-answer was a better answer than any Kai could have articulated. For all that Kai was obviously in love with Aichi and for all Aichi loved Kai, even now, maybe separation was best for them. At least for now.

 _Could you do something for me, Gaillard-kun?_ Aichi had once asked, before Kai had left for France. _Could you look after Kai-kun? I think he’ll really need it._

Gaillard never believed Kai would need or even accept his help, but now he understood.

“There’s a man I greatly admire,” he began. “He is handsome and strong, with unwavering faith and conviction in what he believes is right. Someone who would never abandon another in need. I learned a lot from him about never giving up on the ones you love even if everything seems to be against you.”

“Aichi?” Kai mumbled.

“No,” Gaillard said simply, “you.”

Kai’s eyes flicked upward.

Gaillard placed his hand over Kai’s chest, feeling his heartbeat get faster. “I can’t replace… any of your friends in Japan. I can’t recreate that bond you have with them. But… we can have our own bond, can’t we?”

Kai’s mouth trembled as Gaillard pressed their lips together. He didn’t return the kiss, but he didn’t fight back or pull away, so Gaillard took that to mean Kai wouldn’t return the favor Gaillard had paid him two years ago and punch him square in the jaw.

“Good night, Kai,” he whispered, and began to walk up the stairs, but Kai grabbed him by the hand.

There was a _look_ in those green eyes, something of confusion and apprehension, of longing and embarrassment; Gaillard knew what the look meant, because Kai was more transparent than he thought he was.

This time, Kai leaned into it with all the uncertainty of a man who had never been kissed—Gaillard was sure he never had been—and let Gaillard lead, pull away, bite, suck—

Kai made a shuddering noise as Gaillard pulled his face up by his hair. “I—I don’t think this is a good spot—”

 _What if one of the children sees_ was probably on his mind, but it wasn’t like none of them ever asked _Gaillard, do you love Mr. Kai_ and until that moment, with Gaillard standing on the staircase with his hand full of Kai's hair and his mouth full of Kai's saliva, he would have earnestly denied it.

But now?

He didn’t really know.

Maybe he was just really lonely, too.

“Come on, then,” Gaillard whispered, and he led Kai up the stairs to his room by the hand.

**Author's Note:**

> my image of what happened next is that they started to make love but kai got scared and they stopped and gaillard just gently rubbed kai's back until he fell asleep but i didn't want to write it so if you want to imagine that they Did It then you are absolutely welcome to and that is a valid interpretation too


End file.
